I don’t know if its cause i hate feeling worthless Or if i’m just finished with feeling like i don’t matter. I sure as hell feel like i don`t, I don`t know if its worth being upset over, I just can`t help it when it hurts this much. I don`t feel like i mean anything. I just wanted to be that girl .. You know .. That he thinks about late at night so he calls me, even if he wakes me up cause he just wanted to hear my voice. That he would drop everything to come see me, That he would want to take to the movies and sit side my side holding hands. That he wouldn’t mind if i wanted to talk for hours and hours cause were both home anyways. That he thinks is perfect, dressed up or down.
I know couples fight, You grow from them, You learn from them. Its just i`m not sure if when a couple fights everyday. If its necessarily a `good thing` I don`t blame him or anything cause i blame myself. I start a problem about everything that happens. But i wouldn’t start fights if i felt like he really did like me, I know it sounds stupid. I just want to have a `Real Relationship` With `Real Emotion`! I`m sure if i left he would be sad for a day, maybe two if i`m lucky. But ill be hurt for a much longer period of time, I love him. And even though he tells me, he loves me to, I don`t think he means it, I think he wants to.. but i think its just something to say for him.
I just wish… I meant more to him then his Xbox. :`(